We're back for a new episode and are unbelievably rusty—probably because Scott hasn't spoken for six months. We talk about bodies and sex and sex with bodies and more, but mostly it's just a bunch of the long, strange digressions that you know and love (or tolerate).

We also talk about...

• Body Integrity Identity Disorder, less parts equals more happy?
• Body Dysmorphic Disorder, you're prettier than you think
• Penis for Dinner, things that happen in Japan
• SYSK on Asexuality, it's a real thing
• Right Speech, what Twitter isn't
• I Saw U, The Stranger's missed connections
• Ulli's Roy Orbison In Clingfilm Website, masterful fiction
• Legend of the Red Dragon, what the cool kids played
• How To Think More About Sex, a new book by Botton!
• Small Press Expo, a place to find love?
• Grumpy Cat, Scott's spirit animal
• Reblorg,  Maré was an artist in residence
• LA Game Space Kickstarter, Maré loves games
• SJG@ITP, Scott makes weird stuff at school

Scott and Maré talk about kissing, lying, drinking blood, foreskin presents and so much more.

We also talk about...

• Ten Thousand, an xkcd comic about not being a jerk
• Wizard People, still the best thing ever
• Little Monsters, a movie in which bullies drink pee
• Animated GIF, internet history is cool
• Furry Fandom, as if you guys didn't know
• Beautiful Agony, the best porn site ever?
• X-Art.com, Maré approved
• Ladies of the World, Scott's new grad program
• Nausea, the best novel about existential crises
• Letters to a Young Poet, the best collection of letters
• Man's Search for Meaning, this book will change your life
• The Epic of Gilgamesh, the first bromance
• 100 Foreskins, the "bride price" David paid Saul
• Savage Love, Dan on liking trannies
• In 40 Years, how stupid will you look?
• Archetypal Psychology, be careful with labels
• Of Human Bondage, a coming of age story
• Fregoli delusion, Scott's favorite disorder

Support Kiss and Tell...

• Maré's Store, he has like twenty stores
• Scott's Store, he only has one

Scott and Maré talk about virgins, long distance relationships, long distance relationship virgins and more!

We also talk about...

• Jams, fancy old shorts
• Pop Rocks, a legendary candy
• Mentos and Diet Coke, an explosive combination
• The Immaculate Conception of Little Dizzle, a film
• Juli Odomo, Maré's brother is on Twitter
• Infinite Jest, a wonderful, crazy book
• Better Off Dead, top two John Cusack movie
• Chronicle, teenage super power movie
• Broken Flowers, not a great movie
• Tweetopia, Scott's latest project

Scott and Maré regroup in Seattle to discuss poetry, swimming pools and, of course, blow jobs, because we can't go a single episode without talking about them.

We also talk about...

• Soul Patch, an unfortunate facial hair choice.
• How Tipping Works, a complicated issue.
• How to Get the Girl, the numbers don't lie.
• Texas State Capitol, the pinkest capitol.
• Pottermore, get sorted by the hat!
• Wizard People, Dear Reader, seriously.
• deviantART, art, poetry, etc. community.
• Song Fight!, a thing Scott used to do.
• Animation is a Gift Word, so is "poet".
• Ladies of the World, by Flight of the Conchords.
• Sam Weber's Twitter, wise words.
• Rise and Fall of Online Empires, inevitable.

Support Kiss and Tell...

• Singing Star, Scott's new iOS game.
• Letters to an Absent Father, Maré's new edition!
• Letters to Myself, Scott wrote it and Maré illustrated.

Maré's back to discuss adult braces, custom dildos and American Apparel underpants.

We also talk about...

• Kony 2012, a helpful campaign crushed by cynical people?
• Dave Matthew's Band, the world's greatest band?
• Honey Cocaine, a rap star with adult braces?
• Make Your Own Dildo, an inappropriate gift for coworkers?
• Stuff You Should Know, how Scott knows everything?
• Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, a play about how football players feel?
• Kiss & Tell Cast Poster , fan art by Coffee Nat?

Scott is joined by the lovely and talented Mika Parades to discuss grandmas, tattoos and Carl Sagan's infinite blow job theory.

We also talk about...

• Can't Stop Me From Dreaming, an old Robin Luke song
• Many-worlds Interpretation, a view of quantum mechanics.
• Carl Sagan, the smartest man in a turtleneck.
• Sasha Grey, a talented young actress.
• Conditions of Love, seriously just buy this book already.
• Ill Mitch, a Russian rap sensation.
• The Straight Dope, a smart site that's sometimes about butts.
• Meeksqueaks on OKCupid, we made a profile for Mika!

We're back for season two! Or whatever it is we're calling this... Learn about furniture sex, missing girlfriends and the mysteries of the vagina.

We also talk about...

• Future Thoughts, a Brad Neely cartoon involving couch sex.
• Chungking Express, before there was Amélie.
• Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, a magic book that Maré likes.
• Oliver Twist, a tale of brotherly torture.
• A Tale of Two Cities, a book about homework and beheadings.
• The Frighteners, the movie was better than the book.
• Taken, Liam Neeson will save your girlfriend.
• The Largest Snake, a giant reptile Scott met in the jungle.
• Durian, a delicious fruit that smells like death.
• Just Dance Acapella, adorable Indonesian kids cover GaGa.
• Still Life, a thing Scott recently made.

In the twilight of our teenage years we cover first times, black belts and more. Also, there are poems!

We also talk about...

• Uh Helloooooo, "The Scott Garner Techno Experience"
• Thinspo, pro-anorexia photos?
• Dijeridoos, tools to save people from dingos
• The Vampire Chronicles, sexy vampire books by Anne Rice
• Fist of Fury, a tough Bruce Lee movie
• Protein, a thing vegans and vegetarians get plenty of
• Hump 2011, The Stranger's amateur porn festival

It's Episode 18 and Scott doesn't care what Maré thinks about that. We talk about man melons, semenarche and the complex physics behind mother-in-law attraction.

• Gender Identity, your heart need not match your parts
• Semenarche, a blessed event
• Behind Closed Doors, a song by Charlie Rich

We finally freed Cory! At least for the first 30 seconds of the show. After that, we talk about mom seduction techniques,  tree pervs and all of the people that apparently have sexual fantasies about us.

We also talk about...

• Stuff You Should Know, another favorite podcast
• Permanent Midnight, a crazy memoir by Jerry Stahl
• The King of Abs?, what Scott looks like in the summer
• PhysicistLisa, our favorite fan this week

It's our sweet sixteen and everyone is invited, including anal surprise guy, a time traveler and a magical talking wallet.

We also talk about...

• David Sedaris, an upsettingly warm and funny fellow
• Radiolab, one of Scott's favorite things
• Demolished Chair, a sexy installation by Lan Hungh
• Love Liza, a sad movie starring P.S.H.
• Sleep Paralysis, a crazy thing Scott has
• Asterios Polyp, a graphic novel by David Mazzucchelli
• The Graduate, a movie with Dustin Hoffman
• Toreador Theme, Brazil and Lonely Bull, by our Trombone Hero

The lovely and talented Elissa Ball joins us for Episode #15. We cover tickling, milkshakes and the most desirable side effects of medication.

We also talk about...

• Conditions Of Love, by John Armstrong
• Letters to a Young Poet, by Rainer Maria Rilke
• Existentialism from Dostoevsky to Sartre, by Walter Kaufman
• A Confession, a book by Leo Tolstoy
• Just One of the Guys, a sneaky 80's movie
• Heartbreak Calculator, this is science
• Mysterious Candy Trail, outside of Scott's building
• SlutWalk Seattle, a rape awareness walk
• The Haiku Diary, Elissa's daily haiku project

Our progression through podcast puberty continues with Episode 14. Learn about everything from super crushes to baby Maré's boner. Also, infinite thanks to Bass Millionaire for the new theme song!

We also talk about...

• Stand by Me, a great movie
• Different Seasons, a story collection by Stephen King
• Darkon, a larping documentary
• One Piece at a Time, a song by Johnny Cash
• Mia Schwartz, one talented gal

Somebody's a teenager! Hear from old friends, new heros and a special guest, the footsteps of Scott's loud upstairs neighbor.

We also talk about...

• The Mail Scene, from Miracle on 34th Street
• Hair, a really, really stupid musical
• 2005 Stanford Commencement Speech, by Steve Jobs
• The Star-Nosed Mole, how Maré imagines a certain thing
• Orc Stain, a comic by James Stokoe
• Mess Rap Remix, Anamanaguchi remix by Bass Millionaire
• Janean Lesyk, a new bro of the show
• Electric Hydra, a videogame podcast
• Anthony Burch, cool dude
• Ashley Davis, equally cool lady-dude

Welcome to Episode 12 in which we learn about hot teachers and mean girls and hear Maré confuse a corsage with a corset.

We also talk about...

• A Good Band is Easy to Kill, a documentary about Beulah
• Don't Forget to Breathe, Scott's favorite Beulah song
• Mare's Voice, artwork by Sarah O'Donnell
• Snuff, a novel by Chuck Palahniuk
• The Unbearable Lightness of Being, a novel by Milan Kundera
• Ada, or Ardor: A Family Chronicle, a novel by Nabokov
• The Shortness of Life Clock, a thing Scott made
• On the Shortness of Life, an essay written by Seneca
• The Gordian Knot, a legendary knot

We've made it to 11 and are officially tweens. This week we cover hating friends, fellatio problems, and crushing hard on teachers.

We also talk about...

• 43 Things, a place to list your goals
• Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy, a documentary
• Harold and Maude, a love story
• Ellen Forney, an enchanting cartoonist
• Citric Comics, comics by Ian Andersen
• Baby Giraffes, makers of fine beats

Our ten-year anniversary extravaganza! Enjoy secrets about kissing, dirty photos, Dad's porn collection and the fact that apparently everyone is gay.

We also talk about...

• Independents, a documentary about creating comics
• Candide, a novel by Voltaire
• Heartache as a Masterpiece, Scott's Thesis
• American Psycho, a novel by Bret Easton Ellis
• Tim I Wish You Were Born a Girl, off of Montreal's Cherry Peel
• The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
• The Fangamer Podcast

The fabulous Jen Sembera joins Scott in beautiful Austin, Texas for our first remote podcast. Episode 9 features a myriad of fantastic secrets and terrible, terrible audio quality because Scott didn't pack a mic. Sorry!

We also talk about...

• Evette, a really rough demo of a ridiculous song by Scott
• Evilyn Machine, a porn star Maré lived with
• The School of Life, bibliotherapy experts
• Ping Pong, an amazing Japanese movie with no romance
• You Look Nice Today, the best podcast
• Our first Fanart, by Patrick Crotty
• A Comic Monthly, a project Maré is doing with Patrick Crotty
• The New Movement Theater, where Jen does improv
• Letters to Myself, our book which is only $2 to download

We've somehow managed to make it up to 8 episodes! This time we talk about roommates, porn, sex at school and more!

We also talk about...

• Status Anxiety by Alain de Botton
• Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
• Conditions Of Love by Armstrong John
• Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
• Letters to Myself by Scott and Maré

In episode Lucky Seven, we learn about lightsabers, yoghurt, Maré's love of chocolate cake and so much more.

Cory's back with an idea for a new hit film starring Emma Watson and Gwen Stefani continues to make sexual advances at Scott. And, of course, there are secrets about everything from trampolines to ugly girlfriends.

Welcome to our non-Valentines, non-extravaganza! Learn about statues, washcloths and the Dutchess of Football. And Dan Nguyen? We've got some news for you, mister.

Old friends and new friends alike gather to hear High Hat finally apologize for being a bully and learn about the intricacies of love hiccups. (Sorry about the quality. GarageBand tried to ruin EVERYTHING.)

Breaking records left and right, we're back with episode three. Featuring the Huxtables, orgasm athletes and the triumphant return of Butter Sprinkles Handjob Guy.

We're back for Episode 2 with a new batch of secrets that covers everything from sprinkles to pushups.

Welcome to our inaugural episode! We spill beans and debag cats while talking about sex, church, sex in church, weed, paprika and more.